Family Constellations
Few things in life are truly universal. One of them is this: no matter who you are or where you come from, you were born through two parents—a mother and a father. Even if you were conceived through IVF, adopted, donor-conceived, or estranged from one or both parents, the biological fact remains that an egg and a sperm came together to create you.
This points to something significant: you belong to a family system.
Our ancestors are part of us
You had a mother and a father—and so did they. If you go back just four generations, you have at least sixteen direct ancestors. Each of them lived complex lives filled with love, loss, struggle, chance, and resilience. So many events had to unfold in exactly the way they did for you to exist.
You are here. And because you are here, you belong to your family system.
For some people, this is comforting. For others, it can feel like terrible news. Those who were deeply hurt by their families or who chose distance or estrangement often worked very hard not to belong. Many people create new families—partners, children, chosen communities—in part to leave behind the pain of their family of origin.
And yet, from the perspective of Family Constellations, belonging is not something we can opt out of. Regardless of distance, belief, or intention, we remain connected to our family system.
The family system
Family Constellations, developed by Bert Hellinger, proposes that families function as living systems with their own internal order and coherence. Much like organizations have a culture that exists beyond any one employee, families have an underlying “field” or systemic intelligence that influences their members across generations.
Within this system, unresolved events—losses, exclusions, secrets, trauma—do not simply disappear. Instead, they often continue to exert influence in subtle and surprising ways.
Who is missing?
Every family history includes hardship: war, famine, migration, illness, addiction, accidents, abuse, and early death. When experiences overwhelm a family’s capacity to grieve or integrate them emotionally, it can lead to exclusion.
An excluded family member may be someone who died young, a child lost in childbirth, a relative who was shamed or disowned, or someone whose fate was too painful to acknowledge. Over time, the family may stop speaking of them altogether—as if erasing them could erase the pain.
In Family Constellations, these individuals are understood to still belong to the family system, even if they are no longer consciously remembered.
Everyone belongs
One of the core principles of Family Constellations is that everyone in a family system has a right to belong—regardless of what they did, how they lived, or how they died.
When someone is excluded, later generations may unconsciously attempt to restore balance by identifying with that person’s fate. This can show up as repeating patterns, emotional struggles, relationship difficulties, self-destructive behaviours, or even physical symptoms.
For example, if an infant died and was never acknowledged, a sibling or descendant might unconsciously carry a sense of longing, despair, or a pull toward death—out of love and loyalty to the excluded family member.
Entanglements
These unconscious identifications are called entanglements. In Family Constellations, entanglements are understood as expressions of love and loyalty—attempts to belong and to include those who were forgotten.
The work of Family Constellations is not to blame the family or relive the past, but to gently bring awareness and acknowledgment to what was missing. When an entanglement is seen and honoured, the living person can release what does not truly belong to them and return the fate to the ancestor.
And, according to this perspective, our ancestors want their fate back. What was taken out of love can be released with respect.
Healing across generations
Family Constellations offers a way to address suffering at its roots—by restoring order, belonging, and balance within the family system. When entanglements loosen, people often experience relief, clarity, and a renewed sense of agency in their own lives.
Healing does not require rejecting your family or excusing harm. It asks only that what happened is acknowledged—and that each person is allowed to carry their own fate.