The drive to feel securely attached might be one of the most fundamental parts of being human. Our attachment system is the part of us that experiences whether it is safe to feel close to others, depend on people, and feel loved and secure. 

For some people, it doesn’t feel safe to be close to others, nor does it feel safe to depend on them. For these people, it isn’t easy to feel loved or to love others. They might struggle in relationships – either finding emotionally unavailable partners, or partners who are too clingy. Perhaps they have experienced a breakup they just can’t seem to get over. Or they just can’t find an appropriate partner at all. They might also struggle with friendships, have difficulty finding or keeping friends, or experience conflict they don’t know how to navigate. 

To feel attached is to feel safe and secure

Jeremy Holmes

These are people who have had some injury to their attachment system. 

A secure attachment system is developed by attuned care as little ones. That means having caretakers who were emotionally attuned and self-regulated, who were able to be available to us to help us with our feelings and needs. For many, this type of attuned care was not available. Rather than attunement, we might have received inconsistent care, misattuned care, or in some cases, neglect or abuse. This type of care results in insecure or ambivalent attachment styles, and it is where attachment therapy can be really helpful.

Attachment Therapy

Attachment wounds need to be healed relationally. That means that attachment wounds heal within a healing attachment relationship, they cannot be healed alone. That is the primary basis for attachment therapy. A therapist provides a safe and secure attachment figure where you can learn to regulate, and experience what it feels like to have someone who is emotionally available to you.

Over time, as you experience having this attachment base, it feels safer to go out and explore relationships with others and practice what you’ve learned in therapy, out there in the ‘real world’.

This is a free, 20-minute consult to meet your therapist and see if attachment therapy is right for you.